Welcome to more of my insanity

My last entry's picture and the "begin" quote was not just a thought I had about weight loss. I am driving myself absolutely crazy because I have a lot to do and just can't seem to get it done. Can anyone relate?

I know my friend Jeanne would tell me JUST DO IT. It will get done and you won't be crazy any more. Why is it that I find myself doing 239923748738 other things instead of what needs to get done? Did I mention I'm actually running out of excuses? LOL Yeah, I mean, it useta be "my dad just died", "I'm not feeling well", "I have to go to Brooklyn", "I just had my gall bladder removed and can't lift", "I have pneumonia" I mean, I even broke a toe! The chaos I spoke of in the beginning of this journal is directly related to my inability to get all the things done I need to get done! Truthfully, these are the kinds of thoughts that would lead me to food. Like.. I don't want to think about the reason WHY I just can't get myself to do this stuff, so I'll eat like a pig so I can pass out and forget. Yep, that's how it USETA be.

Now don't think I know the answer to this. Make a list and start checking it off and force yourself to do at least a couple things every day. LOL I can't do that because that list will just compound the anxiety that is already making me nuts. The eating myself into a coma is not an option I will entertain. I am not that person any longer and have fought hard for the past year and a half to STOP that insanity. I just haven't figured out how to deal with whatever it is that keeps me from JUST DOING IT. I'm also not so sure how to just do it. I guess my answer would be just do it. LOL See how crazy I am?

The ironic part of all of this is I helped my sister Carol pull herself out of a mess that was a hundred times worse than the one I am in right now. I spent countless hours with her organizing her junk and getting her life into an organized and manageable one. That's probably HOW I fell deeper into my own mess. I am too busy doing things for others all the time. I'm learning as I write this and light bulbs are flickering in my head that as I am doing for others I'm letting myself fall further behind. I'm finding reasons why I just can't do it and it's getting WORSE. So I guess my journey to wellness has to become broader than just diet and exercise. I have to tackle the OTHER things in my life that have become overwhelming.

I'm confessing this here so that there is accountability. I am putting it forward so I can chart my progress and be honest with myself right here for everyone (all my followers) to see. The biggest job I have is my 5.5x5.5 foot closet that has become a dumping ground and a huge mess. I seem to "hide" my sins there. I tuck away anything everything and now I can't even GET IN IT. How crazy is that? Because of this our bedroom is full of all the clothes that have been washed and I can't get into my closet to put away. There is NO ROOM to put them away because of everything else that was thrown in there. I gotta start at this catch all of my sins and get cracking. I just wish I wasn't sitting here bitching about it and I could just get up and get it done.

Now, should I list all the other things I gotta do that will keep me from that closet today? LOL Yeah, see avoidance again. Avoidance for good reason. I was just informed by hub he has an emergency business venture that could take him away for a few weeks. "Can you do this, can you do THAT, can you make sure of this, can you see to it that this is done, can you make sure of all this too!" See? And, I was going to Brooklyn tomorrow! Looks like plans are gonna change but here's what I am thinking..... While he is gone I'm gonna get this done. I will be able to leave things all over as I get them organized and either thrown away or in their proper place. I need to take a deep breath and deal with one thing at a time. Just like I told Carol, I gotta keep making progress until it is done.

Ughhhhhhhh! I'm craving a cheeseburger right about now! LOL Don't worry, I'm not gonna pick up the phone and fall into a fatty greasy coma. I'm gonna go out into the living room and get started by dusting the entertainment unit and running the vac over the rugs. I'm then gonna move into the dinning area and clean those mirrors and change the table cloth and place mats and then run the vac in there too. Ok, looks like I have a plan for today! Wish me luck I'm gonna need it!