Bragging Rights!

First, I want to apologize for my crude graphics. If anyone has a psp 10 disk and is willing to lend it to me to d/l onto my computer I will pay you for the postage! I really miss being able to make things pretty! The downloadable program offered for free on the net is missing a ton of stuff. Having my laptop crash was a drag, I had so many extras that I can not recoup. Oh well, no use crying over spilt milk, right? uh-huh!

The second thing that is driving me batty is my inability to put spaces between paragraphs. Can someone please H E L P! I actually went to "help" and did exactly what they said. WHY DOESN'T IT WORK!!!! UGH! I really am bothered by the ugliness of these entries! LOL Yeah, I know, shouldn't matter, but it does. What can I say? lol

So far, reversal of the great procrastination project is well under way. I didn't get a lot done but I've made a good size dent and I'm still alive to talk about it. LOL Yesterday, I got my groove on and decided if I did two loads of laundry at a time I might get it done and not be so overwhelmed. Worked! I did all the towels, all the darks, all the whites and cleaned the bathroom while I waited for the wash to be done so I could put it in the dyer. That was 6 loads of laundry! Progress! I also stripped the bed, changed the sheets and wiped down the headboard! I was cooking with gas. I do still have SOME laundry left but I ran out of quarters. It's OK, I'm not longer feeling overwhelmed about the laundry! LOL It's done! (mostly!)

I truly am picking up the pieces. I'm talking about this here in my weight loss journal because I have come ot the realization that when the things AROUND me are chaotic, I internalize it. I don't need chaos, I need calm. I am a bit angry at myself for letting things get this bad. I mean don't get me wrong, the bulk of this clutter all belongs to me and is mostly tucked inside that closet. It's not like my whole apartment is turned upside down! Although it feels like it. lol

I took myself out yesterday to the cleaner and the hardware store. IF I had a list I could cross two things off on the errand side. lol Good right? lol I also took care of all the dishes and the trash and recycling and tidy-ed up the kitchen too. All in all I felt pretty productive, which is a big improvement over chaotic! The great lesson I believe I've stumbled upon here goes something like this: The demons, the ones I believed taunted me with food, ummm they're no different than the ones who keep me from cleaning my clutter. Sitting here I'm thinking if I silenced those voices shouting eat cake, I CAN shut these other fools up too! IF it really is a conscious choice the only one responsible for all of this is ME. No quest for the reasons WHY I do this is needed. I can CHANGE it and therefore must take responsibility for NOT doing it and stop trying to figure things out on a much deeper level.

My friend Jeanne and I discuss this all the time. Choices! There's no secret to this weight loss thing. Either you do it or you don't. Yeah there are temptations but what matters is what you really want at the time. I have the power to decide what my action will be. It's a hard truth. I know that choice isn't always easy and often times my choices are not perfect. No one's are but the choice is mine. If I can choose a healthy path as far as eating is concerned then surely I can bring that forth in all aspects of my life. The consequences are the same. Chaos. All of these things keep me from getting where I want to be. It's all intertwined and it's something I got 50% solved. I'm here to tell you I'm giving myself the PUSH I need today. I'mma do something productive and be back to brag. (keep your fingers crossed, mine are!)