My diet.. yes.. I said "diet"

It's crunch time. A lot of my friends are crying out for strength. I shed my own tears from time to time. I write today to help myself and hopefully inspire others. I do not profess to be an expert, just a person who struggles with demons that lead me to food, a person who has lost and gained as a result of that.

In the years that I've lost and gained weight I've found lots of things that work and don't work for me. I've found that I can't cry about what I can't eat, I need to embrace and enjoy what I can eat. What I can and can't eat is determined by MY DIET. Yes, I am not afraid to say that word and not ashamed to say it either. I need to lose weight, I need to restrict my food intake, I need to be on a diet. I've heard all the new ways we refer to our diets, as "life style changes" and every other nice way of saying the obvious I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, I'M ON A DIET.

Why is it so hard for us to accept that we need to be on a diet? Well, I know the answer to that, we feel punished and deprived. We feel singled out and like the child in the corner with the dunce cap who's gonna sit there till things are made right. Well I don't see dieting as such a bad thing. I think embracing the need to restrict our eating in order to lose weight is a concept that doesn't have to be a punishment. In fact, I view it as a positive CHOICE that I have made to lead myself to wellness. Is that so hard? Is that so terrible? I don't think so.

I know the biggest mistakes I've made in my attempts to lose weight in the past is thinking that once I diet and stick with it, I lose weight and I'm done. I believe "healthy lifestyle" should kick in AFTER we have lost the weight we set out to lose. Most people I know who have succeeded in weight loss, suck at keeping it off. I love to hear folks like Oprah talk about how she was thin for 5 minutes. If you can remember her wheeling out that wagon of fat in those mega-skinny jeans, we're on the same page. The first thing she did when the cameras stopped rolling and it was a wrap? EAT. and eat and eat and eat. It's a vicious cycle. A cycle that I'm working overtime trying to figure out.

For me (I will stand and say this because I've heard professionals say it too) my relationship with food is what has kept me fat and on this roller coaster ride of losing and gaining. I know some will say, I don't do that, I don't have food issues, I just eat because I like to. Yeah, well I like to eat too, but I also like to eat when I don't want to feel or I can't deal with something or I'm joyful. If you are an over eater you can rest assured that you too have a relationship with food that is unhealthy. I believe before you can really bring yourself good health and find a balance in life with diet and exercise you gotta dig deep and ask yourself this question. What is my relationship with food?

I can tell you I was conditioned at a very young age to use food in an unhealthy way. That's not to say I blame anyone for this. As an adult it is now my job to change this. It's my choice to eat and eat and eat OR I can nourish my body and find a balance with my emotions and how I deal with them WITHOUT food. Food doesn't have to be my pain reliever, my stress reducer, my boredom fixer, my marriage counselor, my grief counselor, my friend or my enemy. Food is fuel. My body needs food to keep me alive, to keep me awake, to keep me energized to do the things my life calls for. That's it. Once I believed that I stopped feeling like the fat kid who couldn't eat a whole sleeve of cookies and was satisfied with the four I was given.

I can also tell you that in order to be successful at this I had to give up control. Starting a journey or a weight loss plan doesn't have to involve a list of 100 things to do before you can get started. No. You don't have to do a massive shopping to get ALL THE RIGHT THINGS in the house. You don't have to make a menu and search recipes and plan everything out in advance. You see, that sets us up for failure and makes it easier to stray off our path. "Oh shit, I forgot my lunch... I had no choice but fast food or pizza. I blew it, so I figured why not have take out for dinner and I sat with a container of ice-cream while I "relaxed" before bed." Sound familiar? Yeah, I know. Been there, done that. Why does everything about our diet experience have to be perfect in order for us to do it?

I found it extremely helpful to break it down like this: I get 21 meals a week. (assuming you are following 3 meals and 2 snacks) 7 are breakfast. 7 are lunch and 7 are dinner. Ok, now, let's break'em down by meal and see just how easy this can be. Does breakfast have to be a gourmet feast in order for us to feel like we're not being punished (as in on a diet)? What would you eat for breakfast before? a donut? cookies? those killer fat ridden fast food english muffin/egg and bacon deals for a buck? Or better yet was breakfast just skipped because you've got a food hang over from the night before? Did your first meal kinda happen between 2 and 4 pm because the headache set in? So how can we change this to make it simple and easy and readily available. My breakfast is usually ezeikel cereal nuked so it's hot, I add a fruit and skim milk, oh yeah and coffee and I'm done. That's not to say I eat cereal everyday. I make eggwhite omelets with veggies. I eat oatmeal. I have wassa crackers with natural pb and bananas. I eat cottage cheese on whole grain toast with some raisins and cinnamon under the broiler. I mix it up usually depending on what I have in the house or what's on sale at the market. It's really not that complicated. It's simple and easy and I sit down and fuel my body so I can greet my day with energy. I do that 7 times a week. It's basically, protein, carbs and good fat.

So lunch rolls around and I'm hungry. My body needs food. I don't make a big production out of it. I don't over think it and I don't stress about it. 7 times a week I eat lunch. I make the same simple choices as I do at breakfast. I always keep things on hand to make it easier and I am flexible about eating out if the day lends itself to that. Lately, I've been eating those eggwhite/veggie flat bread sandwiches at Dunkin Donuts. Less than 300 calories and 3.99 for a medium coffee and the sandwich it's a deal all around. I eat left overs from dinner if I am home. I eat tuna and chicken and salads or soup. I don't stress over what to eat. My choice again depends on where I am and what I'm doing. It's not difficult, it's just lunch.

I use my snacks when I feel I need'em most and that changes day to day. I usually feel a pang of hunger coming on around 4pm. You know that time before dinner where we can eat way to much and give ourselves permission to throw everything out the window after it? I like natural pb on apples. I like yogurt (the greek kind with fruit added) I like a latte (skim milk and no syrups) I like laughing cow cheese and walnuts. I like a slice of turkey rolled up in a lettuce leaf. It's a snack and shouldn't require that much trouble. I usually eat my second snack in between the time I eat dinner and go to bed. Sometimes, I don't. I eat it if I need it. If I'm looking for a treat, sf jello or pudding does the trick.

Dinner for some reason gets tricky at times. We often cook for others and get it in our heads that we have to cook separate and different meals for ourselves that are DIET. Not true. It's always helpful to have salad greens around at dinner time. If you are a volume eater it helps a great deal. The things you can throw into a salad and still keep it within your calorie range or point range are many. I like to eat salads as a meal adding protein like chicken or fish or even beans. I don't eat a meal like salad every night. Sometimes I don't have salad and I make sure I have veggies and protein and some good fat. It's not always just veggies but also some grains. Whole wheat pasta is a favorite of mine. Portion control is KEY with adding carbs to meals. Brown rice and whole wheat couscous are always in my cabinets as is chicken and fish and beans in the fridge. I love to cook and can be very creative with the simplest of ingredients. I feed my husband too. He enjoys eating "clean" and just eats MORE than I do. Again, it's 7 meals a week, can you take a piece of meat out of the freezer in the morning before work and build your meal around it without the stress of worrying about what you CAN'T have with it and discover the things you CAN have with it are just as pleasing.

Keeping things simple, less controlled but proportioned is key. Once I discovered WHAT was leading me to food was NOT hunger but emotions it was easier to catch those cravings and deal with them in a non-food way. Healthy eating can be just as pleasurable as eating without limits if we sit down and mindfully eat the bounty we choose that tastes good and nourishes our body. It really can be. I find that when I am eating healthy I feel better, I look better and everything TASTES good. Ever notice than when we are shoveling down mass quantities of food it's practically tasteless? When your palate is clean, you can really appreciate the sweetness of a ripened fruit as opposed to the sugary decadence of chocolate cake.

And I'll say again like I always say, it's a choice. You can choose to eat to live and start living a whole new life. You can choose to feel deprived and punished and get fed up and say screw it and that 10 extra pounds becomes 15...... 20..... 40.... 50.... 75.... 100+ Does giving up cheese burgers really make or break us? Does passing on grazing while watching TV really hurt that badly? If it does then I can say with conviction it's not what you're eating it's what's eating YOU and if you don't get in touch with that, you'll never find peace or feel sated.